The Hobbit

I read The Hobbit almost 15 years ago.

I wasn't into the whole fantasy thing but I discovered the book underneath my desk in one of the classrooms I had History or Ancient Greek or Literature in and decided to give it a try.

I want to be very clear: I didn't steal the book, I borrowed it.

Anyway, I started reading during intermission and kept reading until there were no more pages to turn. That's when I realised that fantasy might actually be one of the genres I wasn't totally opposed to. My favourite book back then was Anne Frank's Diary and Tolkien's world of hobbits, dwarfs, magicians and elves was a nice alternative to the horrid reality of the human species (not that Tolkien's reality was any less cruel, but at least I knew it wasn't real, so that helped with the nightmares).

So I was VERY excited when I heard that The Hobbit was going to be transferred to the big screen. I endured the long wait and I even managed not to read anything about the whole process or to watch any trailers, in order to make my experience of watching the film as pure and unspoiled as possible (an astonishing feat since I am the Queen of Spoilerland).

What I wasn't aware of (stupid me) was that The Hobbit is a 3D film. Yes, I know, how idiotic of me to think that such a movie could be anything less than three-dimensional!

I had been in 3D screenings before and the experience so far has been underwhelming to say the least. Well, this wasn't the case with The Hobbit.

The Hobbit was as three-dimensional as I am. It was so three-dimensional, I could almost smell the foul breath of the trolls as they sat around their campfire grilling dwarfs and talking spices.

It was so three-dimensional, the girl two seats away jumped and raised her arms in self-defence when the Gollum attacked Bilbo.

It was so three-dimensional, I thought I was following the actors around on set, watching them perform, while I was sitting on the director's chair, sipping on my Coke and eating popcorn.

To cut it short: It was too three-dimensional.

Before you start protesting and calling me names let me say this: I don't care how good the technology is (and it is creepingly good), when I go to the movies, I want to be taken on a journey. I want to feel the magic. When watching a film feels like, well ... NOT watching a film, I no longer feel the magic. I feel like a groupie following the dwarfs around –a disturbing image, so I won't dwell on it for much longer.

Apart from the 3D-ness of the film, the only downside to it was the its ridiculously long first hour, filled mostly with a meal and the consequent cleaning and wiping of dishes until everything sparkled, shot in what seemed like a real-time sequence.

Don't get me wrong: The film was what I thought it would be: It was funny and adventurous, the landscapes were as always beautiful, the Orcs disgusting and the story (as far as I remember after 15 years), pretty close to the book.

I enjoyed it, I just wish I had left the theater as wide-eyed and mesmerized as I did when I watched Lord of the Rings.

If you love all this new technology, you will love it. If not, then it is still worth it. As a Tolkien fan you have to see it! Just bring your breath mints with you, just in case one of the trolls gets to close and you have to resist the urge to barf.